Your life journey is an important part of your experience. Your story can either limit you or empower you. It’s your choice. I’d love to assist you in releasing the part of your story that is no longer serving you, into creating one that is empowering and in alignment with the life you desire. In celebration of the possibility within our reach, I'd like share my own journey...
My life went through a huge transition overnight, when on December 18th 2009, Rick, my husband of eight and a half years, died suddenly of a brain aneurysm. At the time, we were living in Florida. I was working full time as a marketing coordinator doing graphic design and marketing for a regional economic development organization, and my husband was an instructor teaching Explosive Ordnance Disposal at Eglin Air Force Base. We had our beautiful daughter, Makayla, who, at that time, was not quite three years old. I felt my life was set on this path of focusing on my graphic design career, while raising our daughter with my wonderful husband.
Trust me, I completely understand life can change in the blink of an eye. You start to wonder, how did I even get here? Who am I? The dreams I once had no longer seemed valid. I felt completely lost. I was deep in my experience of grief and trying to raise our daughter, now as a single mom. I had no idea what I even wanted life to look like anymore, moving forward.
If my current self, could have a conversation with this past self, I would reassure her, and let her know that she’s got this. I'd tell her to allow the grief to come and go without resisting it; to be vulnerable and ask for support; that vulnerability is strength, and to not try to do it all on her own. I'd tell her to meditate and go inward; to discover that who she truly is, is not found in her identities and roles, but, rather, that she is a beautiful, amazing Soul of such pure love and light, that just desires to shine.
I have tried many things in my desire to more understand myself. I became vegan in 2010 (now vegetarian). I have experienced non-monogamous relationships, I have traveled to several places around the world, lived in intentional communities, learned various forms of meditation, and done a few medicine journeys. I have learned to fire dance with a fire dart and play a handpan. I have taken voice lessons, learned how to scuba dive, studied massage, herbalism, and personal life coaching, and continued to learn and grow in so many ways.
In the spring of 2011, I decided to travel to Bali in an attempt to try to discover who I am and what to do next in my life. While there, I felt drawn towards learning the healing arts, and, upon returning, enrolled in a massage program through East West College of the Healing Arts in Portland, Oregon. I particularly felt drawn to the modalities of structural integration and Thai massage, so continued my training to include these two main modalities through Anatomy Trains, and two Thai massage schools, one offered locally, through The Baan Jai Center for Thai Massage and Education, and the other in Thailand, at The Baan Hom Samunphrai School, just outside of Chang Mai. Upon completion of this training and passing the Board, I began my massage business,
In January 2015, I moved to an intentional community called Lost Valley Educational Center, just outside of Eugene, Oregon. Here, I could continue my healing arts education while studying Western Herbalism through Columbine’s School of Botanical Studies. I was learning how to live in community with 40-60 other people while also learning herbalism and botany.
On my birthday, June 11th, 2015, I did a ceremony to release the "old me" that went by my birth name LaDeane, which had served me, but no longer felt like the "me" I now knew. I have been going by the name Cedar Sky Love, ever since. I was given this name while sitting out in nature beneath a cedar tree. I felt the strength of her trunk and flow within her branches, as she effortlessly, and, infused with love, connected earth and sky. I have not legally changed it, but I am definitely considering it.
In January 2016, I decided to purchase an apothecary, teahouse, healing and event center in Eugene, Oregon. I owned and operated this business, Bohemia Apothecary DBA Tea of Life, just over two years. It was a dream of mine, but a lot of work; more than I had energy for while attending herbal school, business school and raising my daughter on my own.
I attempted to transition the business into a collectively run and operated business with a board of directors. Unfortunately, this ended up not working out, and, upon returning from traveling to Central America in March 2018, I decided to close the business. This was a difficult decision for me. There was so much I loved about it. I loved sharing herbal knowledge, pouring tea for customers, hosting weekly song circles and other events, and so much more.
I learned a lot from this experience. In particular, how to own and operate a business, that I prefer to work with clients over customers, and there are ways to offer my gifts to the world that needn't be attached to a particular "business." Perhaps, the most beneficial thing I learned, is that I am not my business or what I offer.
It was through working with a life coach, that I was able to release what had once been a dream, and was no longer in alignment with what I now saw myself doing: traveling and offering trainings and retreats around the world. I traveled to Guatemala, where I offered my first retreat: New Year New You, with two other co-facilitators. This took courage to move beyond my story of, “I’m not good enough,” and put myself out there. It was a huge success.
In the days following the retreat, my inner critic remind me, “I’m not good enough.” I thought to ask this voice, "Why don't I feel good enough?” The answer that came was, "I didn’t feel competent." I knew if I wanted to offer coaching, workshops and retreats from a place of solid training, verse relying exclusively on my own wisdom and experiences.
Shortly thereafter, I received a message that Briana, from the Dragontree Life Coaching, was offering this free multi-day workshop. At the end of the first day, she announced the school was about to offer a coaching program course. This was it. I knew it. I meditated and asked my guides, and then signed up for the course that night. It has been a monumental journey, and taken two years to complete.I believe we call in what we need, and truly believe the timing of this course was perfect.
I still had a lot of my own personal growth work to do before I felt ready to offer this, out into the world. I have worked through my story around abandonment, offering forgiveness to those who have physically or mentally abused me as a child and young adult, dealt with the trauma of a sexual assault that I was blamed for by those I worked for (and where I almost attempted suicide), the death of my husband, a near-death experience, depression and anxiety, severe back pain,, fears around “not being good enough,” and that I had to be a “good girl” in order to receive love, and feeling so" lost" that I didn’t now how to pick up the pieces.
It’s been a process; being with my story, my thoughts and beliefs, my judgements, and my resentments; honoring them and, when ready, releasing what no longer serving me. It’s been layers upon layers of deep emotional stuff, and, of course, is a continuous process, but so worth it. I feel more ready than ever, to offer my gifts. I call on my training, inner wisdom, life experience and especially with the support of Spirit and my Guides, to assist all I support through their process, and embrace the life of their dreams.
You’re life journey, is an important part of your experience. Your story can either limit you or empower you. It’s your choice. I’d love to assist you in releasing the part of your story that is no longer serving you into creating a story that is empowering and is in alignment with the life you are desiring. You got this!
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